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Stock-still silent

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September 20, 2010 | 02:47am
Mood: terrified
Music: Two Door Cinema Club - Something Good Can Work

I am unprepared for Singapore. I need to take out money, pack, plan out what I'm going to do, do a few more loads of laundry (still need to do sheets/blankets/towels), clean my bathroom, put out new roach poison because this evening I came home to a roach on my wall, sleep twice, shower twice, maybe work out once, etc.

I have already done a load of laundry, cleaned my living room, found a place to stay/a person to visit (SO EXCITED!!!), watched an amazing Korean movie ("The Descendants of Hong Gil-dong"), and read a good portion of my travel photography book. I have a rough idea of what I'm going to do either Thursday or Friday night, or possibly both (read: be gay).

I think my ultimate goal this trip is to relax. Go with the flow. I need some "me" time. The phrase that best describes this trip - as stupid as it sounds - is "return to my roots." No, I've never been to Singapore before, so this is not a literal return to my roots, but I feel as if I've lost a bit of myself in Korea. I don't hold the same values I once did. I am braver and bolder than ever before, but much of what I held dear-- my sense of self if you will-- is gone. I don't really like myself as a person very much right now, and I hope that some alone time--some independence, or attempts at being self-reliant--and visiting with a friend who knew me "back then" will help me figure out how to make steps toward changing how I feel about myself now. Taking this a step further and into slightly more ambiguous territory, I need to figure out what needs to be done. I think a little freedom/independence will go a long way toward accomplishing this.

I realize this sounds stupid and foolish - and don't tell me any different - but it's something I've been mulling over all night.


I think "Something Good Can Work" by Two Door Cinema Club describes my state of mind perfectly right now:


Let's make this happen, girl,
we're gonna show the world that something
good can happen here for you,
and you know that it will.

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