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I'm in love with a shooting star

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June 1, 2010 | 09:07pm
Mood: oh honey honey
Music: Dinosaur Pile-Up - Love Is A Boat And We're Sinking

I was in a great mood all day and now I'm crashing.

What the fuck has Korea done to me? I used to be incredibly even-keeled, calm, and collected. Nothng really affected me. Now I'm just a bundle of emotions and shit. And no, believe it or not, for a change this isn't about the usual situation. I'm just not present. I don't fucking know.

With the start of the new session, my teaching schedule has changed. In fact it's such that I will be done working much earlier than usual: 8pm Mondays/Wednesdays, 7pm Fridays. I know it's stupid - I should be ecstatic that I'm not stuck at school until 10pm on a Friday night - but instead I'm dreading it. I dread Tuesday/Thursdays as it is (done at 5/6 respectively).

I don't have anything to do with my time. I don't like being alone, which is stupid, because that was my life back home. I backed out of shit at the last minute, I avoided hanging out with people, I took pleasure in my "me" time. I don't do that here--I don't have that here. When I'm not at work I'm asleep, or at the gym, or hanging out with other people. What will I do with even more free time? There is nothing to do. I have nothing to do. I could read, but if I were to read more I'd probably explode or something. I could watch TV, but that's something I do while reading, and besides, watching TV really shouldn't be a hobby.

What being alone tends to do to me is make me think - which makes me depressed - which makes me think more - and so on. I realize I need to get over myself on a multitude of levels.

You know, I really haven't been homesick at all since I've come to Korea. I was a little homesick back at the beginning of March, and whenever I think of my grandpa I feel incredibly depressed (which is stupid, because again, I wasn't like this back home). I don't know if it's because I got over this shit back in college or if I've been keeping myself too busy to be homesick. I've been convinced it's the former, but I think it may be the latter.

I don't know. I just needed to get this off of my chest since I'm feeling lonely/stupid. Anyways, I'm going to copy/paste some song lyrics that I really like right now.

there's a drumming noise inside my head
that starts when you're around
i swear that you could hear it
it makes such an almighty sound

as i move my feet towards your body
i can hear this beat, it fills my head up
and gets louder and louder
it fills my head up and gets louder, and louder
Florence & the Machine - Drumming Song

darling at nights i always sleep alone
get upset when i call you on your telephone
but that wouldn't be appropriate
'cos it's been seven months and you've been moving on
but lately i've been getting upset a lot
but no one really understands how bad it gets
Dinosaur Pile-Up - Love Is A Boat And We're Sinking

i keep my crotch up
time to rock
big fat phony
keep your hands on your cock
Beta Satan - 666

i don't think it's right, lettin' love ruin my life
but i don't think it's wrong, gettin' a little revenge in a song
it hurts, don't lie
who you gonna run to?
who you gonna run to now?
you know i would have died for you
but it wasn't like you loved me anyhow
you know i'm right, you know i'm right

baby i've been wrong
and maybe i've been livin' a little headstrong
but i know it isn't right
startin' a war by avoiding a fight
it hurts, don't lie
Solid Gold - Who You Gonna Run To?

i'm in love with a shooting star
but you move so fast
that i can't keep up
but she said
i'm in love with a shooting star
but you move so fast
when she falls, then i'll be waiting
Bag Raiders - Shooting Star

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