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frustrated, disenchanted

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June 17, 2009 | 04:38pm
Mood: frustrated
Music: Grails - Reincarnation Blues

Today I've been feeling very unsatisfied.

This crap with the apostille is just really getting to me and I don't know why. It's just reminding me that Korea isn't my first love, or even my second, and I don't know what I want to do, and I'm just disenchanted and frustrated right now.

I've spent the day looking into the Peace Corps (for the 90th time) and some conservation projects in the west - basically trailbuilding, etc. I first looked into the conservation projects over a year ago, but I never got around to applying. However, I find myself very interested in them and I think I may send in an application or two. It's something completely different from everything I've ever done - living outdoors, physical labor, environmental-based work - but it sounds rewarding. Plus, the idea of doing something "different" is very appealing to me right now. I could spend the fall working in Arizona or Montana or wherever, and follow that up with the Peace Corps or just do the Korea thing then.

I don't know. Maybe it's just a phase. Probably it is. I just need to... do something.

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Comments {8}

(no subject)

from: brittnik
date: June 18, 2009 01:54am (UTC)
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what's the word....ENNUI? maybe not quite. but close. I have also looked into those manual labor things. and I think you should DO IT.

have you ever thought about going to like, Indonesia or Thailand or Nepal? I'm toying with going to one of those countries, post-graduation. I met a guy that did Peace Corps....all the work he put into applying dissuaded me, but you never know. what about ... Americorps, if you haven't tried already?

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Adam

(no subject)

from: aodh
date: June 18, 2009 02:09am (UTC)
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Yeah, I think ennui is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I'm looking into the conservation things as a way to do something completely different from what I've done before, and also to (hopefully) give me a new skill-set... I dunno. What manual labor things have you looked into before?

God, I'd love to go to Indonesia/Thailand/Nepal. Anywhere, everywhere. Do you know how you'd get there? If I could find a cheap, year-long meditation (or volunteer, WHATEVER) program in, like, Nepal, I'd kill to go. Something different. Something worthwhile. I don't know. Man, we should just go together and climb Mount Everest or something.

I have a number of friends who have applied to the Peace Corps... it's a lot of work to apply, but it looks like the main bulk of the work is in getting the medical forms filled out. I'm looking at Americorps programs right now actually, which is why I'm looking into conservation programs. A lot of them offer money to pay off college loans when you've completed them, which would be totally worth it, haha. I dunno.

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(no subject)

from: brittnik
date: June 18, 2009 02:50am (UTC)
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are you ever on AIM! we should discuss this, because once I graduate, you and I should just take a year and bum around the world. I'm getting my passport once I'm done with rent.

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Adam

(no subject)

from: aodh
date: June 18, 2009 05:08am (UTC)
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haha, I'm on aim... sometimes... but for some reason it's not working on my computer right now. gonna log into aim express I guess. what's your s/n?

and yes, we seriously should. seriously. it would be AMAZING.

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keep hope!

from: euphoric1dr
date: June 18, 2009 03:52am (UTC)
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i know it can seem so stressful right now, but i am sure it will all work out in the end no matter where you go or what you do! and you are so talented and smart, you're sure to find work absolutely anywhere in the world. i had a good friend who hiked the appalachian trail for 3-4 months, and another friend who did americorps and absolutely loved it. i have a few other firends applying for peace corps and you're right - the thing with peace corps is they are mainly stringent with the medical stuff which makes sense, since its government funded and it's their ass on the line after all if anything happens to you! but moreover i think usually, peace corps projects and jobs require you to be in more isolated villages, it's not exactly what you'd be living amidst if you were to teach in asia which is quite advanced nowadays esp. taiwan, korea, japan, etc.

hm...you say that korea isn't your first love...would you mind explaining that a little more? i am just curious. if you are not that passionate about korea specifically, or indeed even teaching, then maybe it's best that you look into something you're REALLY passionate about =) i know it sounds ever so cliched 'follow what you love/your dreams' but it's just the thing: despite the chessiness of it all it's sooo true! you've got to follow that gut instinct. what do you feel you're most compelled to do right this very minute? there are infinite opportunities: the hard part is limiting it down to that one thing you'll be doing right now!

so maybe you can first do something like peace corps...or volunteer abroad for a brief amt of time if you don't mind the money since ususally those programs you have to pay something. then you can look into what you want to do for long-term ideas?

also, here is a great organization i absolutely love and i've volunteered w/ in the past: i was very close to doing their program in China in fact. if you are still interested i think they will take students, to teach and they have it Thailand as well.
www.culturalembrace.com

hm, have you thought about just moving out to a state you'd like to live in and experience, and see what happens? thats my plan lol. even though i have no money but if i cant teach in korea right now then i'm totally escapading to southern california. not sure exactly where but it's my dream to live there at some point!
do what feels right to YOU. it's your life =)

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Adam

Re: keep hope!

from: aodh
date: June 18, 2009 05:06am (UTC)
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thank you so much for the kind words! yeah, I began my Peace Corps application over a year ago, but quit before I got to the medical stuff--I had too much to do to do that AND classes AND work and excuse after excuse. oh well.

to be honest, my first love is Russia... and Eastern Europe/Central Asia. I DO want to teach English (quite a bit actually), and ideally one day I'll be in Russia for a couple years... but I just don't think I want to go there right now, this instant. I've been thinking Korea would be a good place to start my career. Don't get me wrong, I really do want to go to Korea and learn Korean and so on, but I don't think it'll ever be a long-term thing. Just a couple years in Korea, a couple years in Saudi Arabia, a couple years in Russia, a couple years in Chile... eh. I'm just feeling pretty down on myself today, honestly, this is probably just a phase. I'll be back to normal after a good night's sleep, probably. I'm just feeling frustrated and disappointed that this is taking so long and that the notary public screwed me over and so on. Ehhh.

Right this minute I really don't know what I want to do... I'd really like to go to Korea, or Russia, or do one of the volunteer programs, or the Peace Corps, or the AmeriCorps, and I dunno, haha. I'm just overanalyzing myself. I'm interested in the Cultural Embrace website... although, of course, I don't have the money to do most of the programs there. sigh. That's half the reason I'm not going to Russia right now--no money. That plus I want a break from Russian for a while, haha.

Moving to a state I'd like to live in... I do want to do that one day (I'd want to move to Seattle or Portland myself), but first I'd need a job, haha. I think what I'll do is keep going forward with my Korea plans, but also apply to a couple conservation programs, and maybe restart my Peace Corps application... just to have as many options as I possibly can open to me.

but yeah, thanks again. :):)

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Re: keep hope!

from: euphoric1dr
date: June 18, 2009 06:23am (UTC)
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yeah, the beauty of all of this is: you seriously have the entire world in front of you and it's like, so many things to choose from! yeah you should totally get to all those awesome places and do just that, experience each one in the way that you want to. i think its hard to remember sometimes that we do have our entire life for all these experiences, but when we are trying to be in the moment, it so easy to think we need to fit in all these experiences right now. my favourite and most inspiring teacher ever, my history teacher from HS, always advised me on this. that as a young student knowing pretty much NOTHING and entering this 'real world' it will be easy to get overwhelmed by things and feel like i need to do a million and one experiences simultaneously. but the truth is, there IS time for it all, just one experience at a time should be lived so we can truly LIVE it and enjoy it. and part of that enjoyment is even the challenges that arise!

i think you should still keep the Korea option right now, and check out EF's teaching program, they have teaching in Russia. but i'm not sure about certification requirements, etc - you'll have to try gathering more info on it. http://www.englishfirst.com/trt/teaching-english-in-russia.html
good luck! keep exploring and discovering.

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Adam

Re: keep hope!

from: aodh
date: June 19, 2009 01:58pm (UTC)
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yeah, I'm kind of thinking that I have so many possibilities - so much I can do - that I don't know what to do. Man, nobody ever said graduating from college was going to be like this! :(

yeah, I'm definitely keeping the Korea option for the time being, and I'm also looking into maybe getting my CELTA in an E. European country. At the very least it'd give me an extra credential. and the chance to leave the country.

thanks again :)

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