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An entry in which I have trouble getting my point across.

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April 7, 2009 | 03:58am
Mood: hungry

My life:
- I wrote a four page History paper in under an hour Saturday night.
- I was the only person to show up to Russian yesterday. That kind of pissed me off. Like, a lot.
- This evening I went for a run. It was below freezing. No one can say I don't have motivation.

On a more serious note:
Two things happened over the weekend. The first is that Amanda, my first friend in college and pretty much my best friend here, got engaged. It's not exactly a surprise; every time I've seen her this semester I've asked, "Are you engaged yet?" The other thing is that a friend from high school added me on Facebook. I use the word "friend" very loosely. I don't think we ever hung out outside of school. But, according to his Facebook, he is now married and has a kid. This absolutely blows my mind.

I am friends with a number of people who are engaged, in a serious relationship, married, and even have children. I find it so bizarre that these people - whom I have known since I was a kid - are playing these grown-up games. I just... don't understand it.

I have trouble picturing myself engaged, or married, or even with children, although I certainly wouldn't object to any of that happening one day. But I'm only 22. I feel like a kid myself. I can't imagine settling down at this age. There's so much life to live, and children and marriage would be a definite obstacle in, well, living freely.

I know that this is only the beginning, and sooner or later my friends will be dropping like flies as they settle into their lives and whatever. But as I intend to spend the next few years doing the complete opposite of "settling down", I'm starting to wonder if I ever will myself. And, as an extension of that, I wonder if I will ever feel like an adult.

I doubt it.

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Comments {13}


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from: savagewoman
date: April 8, 2009 09:59am (UTC)

AUGH, I so know what you mean. I'm six years older than you (I actually had to count how old I am, so sad :D) and I don't understand the growing up thing AT ALL. Well, yeah, I am engaged, but do trust me, I don't feel like a grown-up at all. The few people I've kept contact with after school are all either married or planning a wedding, buying houses and stuff like that. My ex just gave birth to her second child a couple of weeks ago.
It actually makes me glad that I live in rented property and work part-time. But yeah, I do know what you mean by 'dropping like flies'. The only people I see regularly nowadays and actually have something common with are my workmates, 'cause everyone else I know live on goddamned different planet. So yeah, it'll only get worse. Sorry.

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from: aodh
date: April 9, 2009 02:10am (UTC)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way, although I'm not quite so glad to discover that I (probably) won't stop feeling like this for some time. (Although I have talked about this with my mother, who is in her mid-50s, and she admitted that she still doesn't really feel like an adult. Blah!) I don't plan to settle down for a good, long time - I figure that my 20s are meant for exploration and adventuring, and generally you can't achieve that with a SO or kids. On the other hand, I do intend to have children (one way or another) at the age of 30 or so, so I do understand the desire to settle down... eh.
I just hope that whenever I do decide to settle down I'll feel more like an adult than I do now. I also hope that I won't be as boring as a lot of married couples I know. Bleh! :P

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