May 15th, 2016

fist to face


I should be working on a paper (for 고전소설, which means I'd rather jump off a cliff than do it, but whatever), but instead I'll tell a little story.

Last year was not a great year. In fact, in a lot of ways, it was pretty lousy. It started with my classmates, who never showed up to class; then I broke my arm and had to get surgery, which led to no real vacation, jaundice, food poisoning, and an allergy to a new type of medicine (beyond my regular allergy to penicillin and bactrim); then I was hit by a car; grad school hit me like a ton of bricks; friend problems; etc...

Somewhere around the time I was hit by a car, which was roughly early June if I'm not mistaken, I started to develop anger issues. I was starting to get really, really angry - downright furious - and for the littlest, stupidest things ever. The thing is, it never actually happened when I was around other people. Only when I was out taking my daily walk.

I started to do something to combat this. I would apologize to whatever, or whoever, it was that I was angry at - even though they weren't there, the action itself helped. Then I would touch my index and middle fingers to my thumbs and breathe slowly for a few counts. Before long I was calm and back to normal.

Recently I've noticed myself cursing people out in my head. I just get a little angry, nowhere near the fury I had last year. But I've been trying to catch myself in the act, and making myself apologize - just under my breath - and breathing deeply a few times.

Honestly, while I often feel like I'm batshit crazy, I am probably one of the more mentally stable people I know. Last year's events happened and it's no wonder I developed an anger problem. I'm just glad I've managed to come up with a method to calm myself down and handle the matter alone. Although, when it comes down to it, I suspect my exercise habit (obsession?), which I developed right around the time my anger issue lessened, has something to do with it.

Anyways. I found myself angry the other day and murmured, "I'm sorry." It worked. I kind of feel like this is contributing a little positivity to the world, even if no one knows it except me.
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