May 14th, 2007


My Mental Health, Or A Distinct Lack There-Of: An Essay.

I really hate long breaks from school.

Don't get me wrong, I like being away from Kirksville (and I'll shoot myself if I ever decide that I actually like that godforsaken town). I love my parents, but spending more than five minutes with them at a time makes me want to torture and/or kill small animals. I like being able to catch up on my reading (and the reading of every other person I've ever met... so goes the life of a fast reader). I just don't know what to do with myself.

I'd really like to get a job or take classes that aren't online, but we're going to West Virginia sometime in June and we'll be staying there for at least a week, and I'm not going to go through the effort of getting a job only to leave a week later. I not-so-subtly mentioned to my mother to tell her sister to tell her brother that I'd be willing to spend the summer helping him fix up his new house (he actually bought it four or five years ago, and made the move from Denver to WV official just a couple of months ago) in exchange for a roof over my head and a job recommendation when I need him, but I haven't heard anything for a few billion years.

So all I've really done lately is read and walk and run and contemplate writing a fantasy story (I'm totally selling out for the $), but I've been studying French and Russian and I've gathered together some of my father's textbooks from the late '60s to use to study Spanish, but the fact that I really hate Spanish kind of makes me apathetic toward that. (I also have some vague plans to study Swedish this summer with some friends, but that's probably going to fall through. Plus, it's Swedish. How more useless can you get?) It's only been 1.5 weeks and I'm pretty sure that if I don't get more human-interaction ASAP I'm probably going to gain a few (more) irreversible complexes/mental issues.

But the real issue here is that I need structure. I need to be busy, I need something to do with my time, and I need a goal to strive for. I function best when things are chaotic, worlds are collapsing, and I have a 10-page paper due the next day that I haven't even begun. Long breaks release me from any sort of structure and I wake up at noon and sit around in my boxers reading science fiction all day. I hate that. I hate feeling like this. So. Now you know.

I apologize for being verbose, self-pitying, and using about 20 run-on sentences. Oh, wait, just kidding. I don't apologize. :'(
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