September 6th, 2004


zell miller has an unfortunate last name.

It's like an open-mouth kiss, the thick of the ether (of which can be defined as "love" or "hope" but is closer to the absence of everything, the vacant dreams one might have of space and the heavens above) being passed through the timorous connection - like releasing your soul and trading it as easily as you swap spit.

I don't actually think I used the majority of those words correctly. Woe is me, with my lack of a proper vocabulary.

(i should stop crushing on everyone in general because it is never going to go anywhere with anyone and all it does is make me depressed and all i really want is to get involved with someone or to be some sort of a whore but that isn't happening because my morals or lack there of are too strong for me to actually do anything that isn't thought out for weeks in advance or that isn't right or whatever i judge that term to be. i am a hopeless idiot and i am never going to get any experience in this love thing i spout on about so often if i don't dive in and go for it but the truth is i don't really want to risk anything. plus there's the fact that i am me. that really messes with everything.)

Oh, and Biology wants to eat my soul. True story.
  • Current Mood
wasn't my bullet

A Revelation:

I am never going to love anyone but myself.

(Watch me eat my words before the year is up.)

Oh, and the Biology essay still isn't flowing from my fingers to the (already saved!) Word document yet. Much like my prospects with love and/or dating, completing this is liable to be a hopeless task.

I wish I could date the characters I create.
  • Current Mood
consider it dug

A Crush.

Because Mary is a genius. "They wouldn't call it a crush if it didn't effectively incinerate and smash your heart to little bits, now would they?"

"I'm in love," I happily sighed. "I never thought it would happen, and it did! It really did!"

Smiling, Lisa told me, "Congratulations," and here she gave a weak punch at my shoulder, "I'm really happy for you."

I didn't notice that her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm crushed," I steamed, feeling like a limp noodle. "That bitch broke my fucking heart. Can you believe it? She turned me down! Me! We had something, Lis', we had something! She kissed me and I kissed her and I asked her out and she said no! Would you ever do that to someone? Of course you wouldn't! That's because you're a good person and she isn't!"

"That's what crushes do to you," Lisa told me, gingerly patting my shoulder. "They crush you. They rip you apart from the inside out and stomp all over the remains. I'm sorry, Mike," she grabbed at my hand and rubbed it with her own, "I'm really, really sorry."

"Can you believe it?" I let out a breath; like a balloon, I almost deflated to half my size. "I- I can't believe it. I don't want to and I can't."

Lisa opened her arms and I went to her, squeezing her tightly. "Why aren't all girls like you?" I wondered out loud. "Understanding and beautiful and great. My best friend," and at this my throat clogged up and I had to wipe away a tear that wasn't actually there, you see, because I'm a man. "What would I do without you?"

Lisa said nothing. I didn't see her eyes light up like they hadn't before; I didn't feel her squeeze me back, practically tearing me in two. "I don't know," she murmured, under her breath, and I was barely able to register what she said. "I don't know."

She continued to hold me.

Oh. I finished my Bio. Now... for studying.
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    Exsonvaldes - All I Have