July 29th, 2004

wasn't my bullet

okay, i have to be frank.

I keep on laying down in bed, fully expecting to read (I'm currently in the middle of Spares, by Michael Marshall Smith - which is suitably creepy), and I keep on waking up hours later. It's absolutely marvelous, in its own, slightly demented way.

I keep on having strange dreams. Well, the simple fact that I'm having dreams and remembering them is pretty strange - but that's not it. See, it always involves a car trip - cross-country, cross-city, cross-whatever. And friends (i.e. Kris, Kayti, Tiffany). And... we are always getting ready to leave on this car trip, but it never actually happens. Like, we pack the car, discuss what is going to go wrong, and we are suddenly in a rest area in Arkansas or something. It's crazy, man.

The news just mentioned a suburban family "cutting down a tree that is 250 years old," and I immediately burst out with, "THAT WAS A GOLDEN GIRLS EPISODE!" Hopefully the stereotypical old, senile woman won't have a heart attack after Rose Nylund yells at her.

Now... the exciting part of my day.

At about 3:00, the doorbell rang. "Oh, shit," Adam said, unwilling to get out of his sitting position. He had worked hard to get into it, and getting out would be a waste. He got up, bones creaking, and hobbled to the window to see if he could twist his body in able to see who was at the door. Luckily, he didn't have to - he spotted a large van in the old Osco's parking lot, across the street. "HOT DAMN!" he vocalized, running toward the front door, pain forgotten. "KRIS IS HERE!"

And so he was. With two liters of Strawberry Crush.

My, what a joyous time Adam had! He laughed, he cried... he had Krispy Kreme doughnuts (thanks to the father whom is wrapped around his little finger). He and his friend, in their stereotypical homosexual relationship, decided to consummate their homoerotic tendencies. In public. Probably in a church. And Adam will be wearing devil's horns. And their hair will be dyed.

Well, once Adam's ass is healed, at any rate. (If only that was true! I mean, do you actually expect me to wait? Hardly!)

So today was quite exciting. I slept, I laughed, I ate Far Too Much (TM). Kris' coming over made me feel better. I had a Discussion with Kayti. I was Discussed at by Belle. I Bitched at a number of people... in my head.

I really, really need to send my new response to Barry in this discussion. Dammit people, I can't be the only person who sees the benefits of the nine period day! I have a response all typed out, but I'm too lazy to send it right now. Why are we bothering to fight anymore? Two stubborn people going at each other for this long will never switch sides. Especially when I'm righter than he is.

Yes, I know that isn't a word. No, I don't especially care.

Something amusing that I discussed earlier with Kris... I've lost all sense of modesty, since I've gotten this cyst. Six people have seen my ass in the last week. Six.

And have I gotten laid once? NO. I'm blaming it on how doctors (and, er, surgeons) have this thing known as "morals"... whatever that is. I don't understand how someone could see my ass and not want to jump me. O, what a struggle it might have been!

Back to the modesty issue. I don't actually care if anyone sees my ass anymore. Seriously. If Kris asked to see my cyst (which is just a pick-up line version of saying, "I want to see your ass") I probably would have consented. Would I have done so if I had modesty? Of course not! Well... probably. Maybe for a few bucks.

This entry is really, really weird. I think I need to get some. Now. But first...

I need to go soak my ass.
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