July 25th, 2004

this is me

je deteste//

To tell the truth, I've never had a pain quite like this before.

I mean, I've had some pretty damn bad shit in my past - migraines that last far, far too long; ulcers; flus that come on and refuse to let go. I'm not quite sure if this cyst takes the cake, since I have pretty much forgotten all of those pains, but it's really really really fucking bad.

Today, I spent my time laying on one side or the other in bed, shivering from various fevers, and praying that the time to take my next dose of aspirin has come. I occasionally turned on the TV and watched whatever infomercial looked the most interesting. I've been taking baths randomly throughout the day - the first ones since I was about nine - in the warmest water I could possibly stand. My legs fall asleep, no matter how much I move them.

I read while I'm in there. I finished Dhampir by Barb and J.C. Hendee. I've begun One of Us by Michael Marshall Smith. The former was excellent, the latter is about the same.

This "sitting" thing is highly overrated.

Tomorrow I'm going to see a doctor. I should've seen one sometime last week, but I kept saying, "No, no, it'll get better, honest!" but now it's just killing me so I don't really give a fuck. I have a feeling my mother will be telling me "I told you so," and I'll be telling her, "Shut up."

I hope the doctor stabs this mofo tomorrow. I want it gone. I'm actually worrying that I won't be able to sit down long enough to get to Evanston, or even in the waiting room. Oh well. I'll deal with that when the time comes.

I have essentially given up on that crazy "diet" and "exercise" bullshit I was attempting to do. Well, the exercising ended last Monday, and I've come to the conclusion that one simply can't diet when sick. It isn't possible. I'm trying to talk my parents into running around Chicago to find some place that sells Nehi (better than your fuckin' soda). And cinnamon buns. And that doughnut drink from Krispy Kremes. And... you get the idea.

I'm actually sitting down right now, back as straight as an arrow, with the heating pad on my you-know-what. This excites me greatly. I miss sitting.

I should go update my other journals. An update on my ass will come tomorrow. (Haha that sounds funny.)
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