March 24th, 2004

this is me

i feel much better when i'm under a cloud

My right hand is covered in ink.

One of the true signs that I like a novel is if a) I want to steal a character and make them my own or b) I get this aching urge within me, somewhere near my pancreas, that just makes me want to drop everything and WRITEWRITEWRITE. Sometimes, a single book will do both to me - and I hate that, because I will never be that good of a writer. Never. Never in a million years, no matter how hard I try, will I ever write and get published.

Never will I ever be able to accomplish some stupid dream. I might be able to raise my GPA and get into AP classes and make friends and pull on some semblance of normality like I pull on my clothing after a shower, but I will never get to see my name, embossed and printed and imprinted on the cover of something I have written.

Or maybe I will and I'm just being neurotic. Whatever.

I am wearing nothing on my feet - typically, I remove my shoes the second I enter the house. I very rarely go around without socks or slippers. And I am right now.

I have read two books today. I don't remember their names, but they were both incredible and I want to steal main characters (Charlie and Edmund and maybe Lydia) and write about them because if they were real I would probably want to be friends with them. I generally only write about people who I would want to be friends with.

I wish my life was like the stories I read. Magic and witchcraft and murders and love and psychopaths and stalkers and psychotic stalkers and hate and people with absolutely normal, boring lives, and people with incredibly bizarre lives and good grades and perfection and international intrigue and mysteries and no insecurity.

None of this teenage bullshit.

I guess that that is why my hand is covered with ink.
  • Current Music
    Quasi - Under A Cloud