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January 18, 2016 | 09:19pm
Mood: pensive

I usually keep entries relating to dating private, because, uh, I kinda don't want to reveal what a nutjob I really am. But I'll make this one public because I feel like it kind of sums up some of my issues with dating and encapsulates my current situation quite well.

I started using Tinder a few months ago. Of course, I've been using a variety of other, gay-focused dating apps for the last few years, but I decided to try out Tinder just for the hell of it. I actually kind of like it, but rapidly came to the realization that it's an app that would work far better in the west- the foreigners who use it are all on the other apps, and a surprising number of the Koreans who use it are straight and are looking for (gay??) language exchange partners. That being said, I've had a few good chats, met up with a guy a couple months ago, and have kind of disregarded it as a "nice, but not necessarily worthwhile" app.

Thursday last week I matched with a cute guy whose profile said he's a Korean American visiting Seoul for the weekend, but lives in Tokyo. We started to chat and had a really nice conversation, basically discovering that our dating situations are virtually identical- guys in Korea aren't interested in me, guys in Japan aren't interested in him. He invited me to have coffee with him. We met up and had coffee, lunch, and then wandered around Myeongdong in the cold for a while, talking non-stop the entire time. He mentioned that he wanted to go to a museum the next day, and I suggested the Korean War Museum, which I also wanted to go to. We exchanged hugs goodbye and I kind of thought I'd never see him again.

Well, we messaged a bit that night, and ended up meeting up Friday morning. We went to the museum and an art exhibit on the Berlin Wall and went for lunch in Itaewon, where we ate Bulgarian food. Then we wandered around Itaewon a bit. The entire time we're having a terrific conversation. We friended each other on Facebook and Instagram. He had to meet up with his friend (with whom he was staying) and they were going to go out to Homo Hill that night. We said our goodbyes (again with a hug), and as I descended into the subway, I thought, "Well, there goes another great guy I'll never talk to or see again."

We messaged a bit that afternoon and evening, and didn't talk at all Saturday because I went to Jeonju and he went to Incheon. Sunday, however, we messaged for a good portion of the day, and today - Monday - we've basically been chatting non-stop. He's back in Tokyo now.

In a lot of ways, we're very similar people. Virtually everything he says, I say, "Yeah, me too," and vice versa. He has a sarcastic sense of humor and he is vocal with his opinions, which is basically exactly what I want/need in a guy. As I phrased it in a message to him, "I can kind of be an opinionated asshole and someone I can argue with and still respect afterward is my type." He replied with, "You just described me? lol"

So here's the issue: dude doesn't even live in the same COUNTRY as me. He may be my type, he may be super handsome (uh, by my standards tbh), he may be seeking the same thing as me- but we don't live in the same country! Admittedly, Tokyo is only a 2 hour plane ride away, but that is two hours too many, when it comes down to it. I KNOW that falling for, or even just liking, a guy who lives in another country is a silly idea. And I am also over-thinking this way too much, especially considering how I've known him for less than a week.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me - at least no more than the average person. That being said, I have a lot of different reference points than the average 20-something. That means that not only do I find to difficult to make friends, but I find it even more difficult to meet guys. Gay men don't tend to come from the same place that I do. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be alone forever - not because I'm a horrible person, but because it's hard for me to connect on anything more than a superficial level with other people. I think that's why I'm writing this entry. I seem to be connecting with this guy on a deeper level, and I'm sad because it may very well never work out. Even if we end up good chat-friends, when it comes down to it, it seems to me as if this guy may be one more in a long, long, long long line of "almosts." Guys who "almost" work out. Dates that were "almost" good.

But you know, it's also possible that - were we to really fall for each other and decide to see what could come of an "us" - it wouldn't be an "almost."

Anyways. I don't know if I'll ever post about this again in public (it's easier to hide what a fruitloop I am when I mark my entries private!), but I think this is a nice excerpt from my "dating" life these days. And who knows? Maybe it'll work out with this guy. That's the most interesting thing, I think. You just don't know.

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