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April 27, 2014 | 09:42pm
Mood: nervous

Four days from now I find out the results of the scholarship. I have roughly a 2/3 chance of receiving it, so it's possible I'll get it. I'm just trying not to think of it too much and instead plan for what happens if I DON'T get it. Seoul, Paris, Lisbon? Continuing on this path on my own or trying something new?

This week I felt very under the weather. It started with a general feeling of ennui, tiredness, and depression which became a cold. I canceled pretty much all of my activities after Tuesday, choosing instead to stay in and be by myself. I feel better now - back to normal, physically and mentally - so I'll return to my usual schedule tomorrow.

This upcoming week is going to be pretty strange. Tomorrow (Monday) a good portion of my classes will be canceled because my students will be taking Korean midterms. Tuesday I'll be reviewing the last test with my classes. Wednesday and Friday will be normal days. Thursday was originally supposed to be a field trip but due to the ferry disaster (Sewol) virtually all field trips and celebrations throughout Korea have been canceled for the next month or so. The kids don't quite understand so they're kind of sad and depressed and I suspect they'll be a handful on Thursday. I suspect I'll just play games with them all day.

But. Thursday. I am trying to distance myself from the results - tell myself that what happens, happens - but man, I want this. I'm very nervous. If I don't get it - like I said before, I'll probably move to Seoul and try to do this on my own. But I can't help but wonder if trying something completely different might not be a possibility. I keep thinking about Paris and Lisbon. I really liked both of those cities. Why not try them on for size?

Oh well. I'm not going to be able to affect the results from here. All I know is that there's a good chance I'll get the scholarship - and a distinct possibility that I won't - so I'll just try to keep busy and not think about it until Thursday. I will say this though: I will be an absolute mess Thursday. I should be okay before then - maybe a bit more nervous on Wednesday - but I'll be very jittery and anxious all day Thursday. Expect a post on Thursday (May 1) regarding the results. Many exclamation marks will be used if I get it. A dejected tone will be used if I don't. I can't wait!!!!! ;____;

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Comments {2}


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from: annaserene
date: April 28, 2014 09:45am (UTC)

I can't imagine how nerve-wracking this wait must be. I know I would be a mess. Just a few more days and you can (hopefully) have peace of mind.

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from: aodh
date: April 30, 2014 10:39am (UTC)

I know, right? x_x

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