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긍정은 나의 힘

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April 23, 2016 | 10:06pm
Mood:
Music: Kate Bush - Leave It Open

This has been a big waste of a week, to be honest.

I met up with Hwan on Monday, and we ate ddeokbokki near Sillim, and walked all the way to Sadang. We stopped at a famous bakery near Nakseongdae which had a ridiculous line, but as it turns out, the food really lived up to the fame, for a change! We also got macaroons at a place near there - one oreo macaroon, one salted caramel. The oreo flavor macaroon delicious. The salted caramel... not so much. For dinner I met up with Nick and Kay and we got dinner at a famous donkas restaurant near us - really good!

Sat around and did nothing Tuesday and Wednesday besides study. Thursday I had class, where we discussed Cho Se-hui's The Dwarf (조세희의 낭장이가 쏘아올린 작은 공), which is a really interesting, fascinating book. Highly recommend. Friday I did nothing. Saturday, today, I was supposed to meet up with a friend for dinner but he never got back to me, so I spent most of the day reading philosophy for class (Roland Barthe's S/Z). Tomorrow I accidentally double-booked, but with how the rest of the week has gone, we'll see if I end up meeting with anyone, period.

Honestly, I am kind of disappointed with how this week has gone. I wanted to travel somewhere, see someone, do SOMETHING, but instead I've spent it doing fuck all. I studied. I rolled around in bed. Ridiculous.

This summer, with any luck, my mom will visit Korea and we can travel around a bit. Then, hopefully we'll go to another country somewhere. Then I'll spend a few weeks visiting another country or two. (Countries I'd like to visit: Italy, Germany, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Spain.) It's been a very, very long time since I've traveled and explored and I am DYING HERE. Christ. I feel so cooped up and trapped. I HATE this feeling.

I've officially started tracking my eating habits. I've been going to the gym for 6 months now and my weight hasn't changed a pound in that time. Seriously. For a good portion of that time I wasn't watching my eating, but then I started to add in more veggies, cook more, etc. Then I started to remove some foods I just can't control myself around. About two weeks ago I finished up my last bag of mixed nuts and, if I'm going to be honest, I think I've seen a difference in my body shape in that time. I don't intend on dieting, because I get obsessive and depressed when I get into that state of mind, but I do want to work on portion control and try to get more veggies into my diet.

Speaking of health-related things, I changed my alarm settings and as of tomorrow I will be waking up at 6am six days a week to work out. I've been walking huge amounts of steps since I got my Fitbit last June (just got my badge for 4,800km yesterday), and running/lifting weights three times a week since I started at the gym in October, but the new plan is: Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday running, Monday/Wednesday/Thursday weightlifting and either powerwalking or ellipticaling. In a few weeks, when my long run reaches an hour (10km), I'll be adding in a fourth day of running every week. I'm also contemplating buying a bike, but I think I'll wait to see how the running goes before I add in another sport. I think my goal for the end of the year is to run a half-marathon, with my goal for next year being to run a full marathon.

Having discussed my eating/exercise plans, I should probably describe my ultimate goal. My goal is... well, I don't really have one, actually. I want to be healthy and fit. I don't particularly care if I don't have a flat stomach (never had one before in my life, so I don't know what I'm missing out on), but I do have a fantasy of not having manboobs one day. I also have a very petty fantasy of having a nice enough body that one day one of the douchebags who ignored me on the homo apps messages me, so I can reject him. But that's petty and little. But I want to do it anyways. So there. I also feel as if the reason I am perpetually single is not just due to my shitty personality, but because of my shitty appearance, too. (Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything horribly wrong with myself, but based on the shit dating luck I've got, I can only assume...) I'm also doing this all as an excuse to get out of my apartment at least once a day.

Something kind of interesting I discovered is that there are bike paths stretching essentially from near Incheon to Busan (more or less). I have a sort of fantasy of hiking a portion of that this summer. Maybe not a lot, but some? Even just a day trip would be cool. Last year, when a group of us went to Gokseong, we walked on a similar path for a while and it was beautiful... and empty. If I manage to go to Spain this summer, maybe I'll try out the Camino de Santiago, which is another dream. Anyways. Yes.

I should probably stop writing and go lay down in bed. Gotta get up in a few hours to run. Oh boy!

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