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피곤한 마음

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November 1, 2013 | 08:25pm
Mood: weary

Christ, I'm tired.

It's been such a long week. Today I went in to work early - I'm talking 7:40 early - and prepped for the day. Then I studied French. Then I spent every free second I had all day grading word exams (34 students, 100 words each). Then I made a powerpoint/activity for the silly Saturday class I have to teach tomorrow. Plus a work meeting. And I taught 6 classes. After work I went and bought some essentials (shampoo, shower shoes, bread, and bananas), before coming home and taking a nap. Then I went to tutoring, where I discovered that my phone hasn't been functioning properly all day and, in fact, my tutor canceled class. So I came home and ate dinner. And here I am.

I told my boss that I'm not coming back next year. It was a bit of a reality check, yet I'm also quite pleased with myself. If I'm being honest with myself, I never should have come back to Gwangju after I left my last job. I'd intended to work either mornings or evenings while studying Korean at a university. Then I saw this job and freaked out - amazing vacation and good pay, plus great working hours? Score! It's been a decent two years I suppose (although the less said about 2012 the better), but I am so happy and terrified about moving on with my life.

I'm officially making school and Korean my #1 priority. I have enough money to live on for a few years without working (though I suspect I'll still work part-time). I'm scared shitless about this whole situation - moving to a new place where I don't know anyone. But I've done it before, several times. I'm out of the habit but it needs to be done. Additionally - I WANT to do it. I want to be scared and do new things again. I've fallen into a rut in Gwangju, and leaving would be the best thing for me right now.

There are a few things I've been telling myself I want to do next year:
- I want to go to lots of concerts and shows. I'm a bit of an indie hipster at heart (albeit much less douchey and "omg bros and pabst blue ribbon lolz" about it) so if I could make some Korean hipster friends it would be just like back home.
- I want to volunteer at a North Korean Refugee center. I don't know in what position or how I could do this, but I'd really like to do this.
- I am going to learn Japanese and continue my French studies. If all goes as planned I'll be finished with my French textbooks by April 2014 and I'll move on to native content - television, novels, etc. Then I'll start Japanese, or just try to get back my Russian. ALL TEH LANGUAGES~~~!
- I want to surround myself with happy people who like themselves and strive toward improving their life circumstances. You are who you surround yourself with, right? It's times like these when I really miss Shannon.
- I want to go to museums and art galleries. I'm going to become one of THOSE gays. Eek.
- Less seriously: I want to stop making stupid faces/poses in photos. No wonder I don't have any nice photos of myself - it's like I deliberately sabotage myself. Ugh.

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